Someone asked me if Harriet's passing released me from "caring", and I found it easy to finally "move on". I imagine that for some, especially the caregivers who dealt with caring for someone who was angry, or always complaining, it does provide some relief. But, in my case, Harriet never forgot who I was or what our relationship was, and never complained. She was always thankful for whatever I, or our daughter, did for her. I believe that her only concern was for our comfort, for us to be able to move on when she left.
So, can I move on? I like to believe that with time I can. But, it is too soon to know for sure. I know that there will never be anyone who can replace what we had. Forty-eight years of being together, of raising a family together, and of taki ng care of each other through various illnesses, doesn't just magically disappear when one of the partners passes on.
In my case, even I live another 20 years, there will never be another "partner" for me.
Yes, I will go on. Yes, I will find activities to hide my grief Yes, I will focus on my children and grand-children. BUT, none of this will replace what Harriet and I had.
I promised Harriet and myself, as well as our HD support leader, that I would continue to be involved in our local support group, and would help new caregivers any way that I can to understand what lies ahead. It might sound kinda weird, but I believe that if I do stay involved in some small way Harriet will still be with me. I know it is what she wanted me to do. It is important that if I do stay involved,
I must also keep up to date on the progress being made concerning the treatment for HD. I monitor several HD websites daily, watching for any progress, so that I can pass it on. Every day they get closer to finding a cure. They have already found ways to stall it's progress. Harriet was using xenazine, which delayed it for quite a while, and now they have a newer med that is indicating that it could POSSIBLY cure it. For the sake of all those who are still fighting the disease, I pray that they are right, and that it will cure it.